Scrum of the Earth /

So we're all done and dusted for week one then?

Unfortunately so and we couldn't have asked much more from Sunday's crackers at Welford Road and down in the south of France.

Poor old Bath. Such an inspiring effort...

They conceded far too many turnovers - 11 in first half alone - and the team's signature confidence was somewhat brash at times.

But they scored two tries in Toulouse!!!!

It's no mean feat. OK, Nick Abendanon's stunning score with two minutes to go highlighted his burgeoning talents but Bath all too often ran it from deep inside their own half, handing over possession at critical stages, when a big boot downfield would've done the job cost them in the final act.

Step up Monsieur Skrela...

David Skrela turned from villain to hero in a matter of seconds, as his kick agonisingly drifted back to break Bath hearts.

From one fly-half to another, how did Cipriani get on?

Danny and best pal, Josh Lewsey produced a neat cameo to seal victory. But it was all over inside 22 minutes after Paul Sackey and Tom Voyce clipped their wings to go over.

Another home bonus point missed...

Crucial error, especially with Leinster cleaning up yesterday.

Wow! I’m shattered...

You must be happy - Leeds United win yesterday and now the Tigers...

It was a titanic tussle. No tries, very few chances and neither team could grab any ascendancy in the second-half. But the Ospreys will be happy with a losing bonus-point.

Sounds compelling?

It was Test match stuff - a pure arm-wrestle. Jordan Crane's metallic blue scrum-cap bundling through the hard-yards was a constant feature alongside the athletic Tom Croft who sparkled in the Leicestershire sunshine, proving he is most certainly England's premier blindside flanker.

Perhaps the Ospreys seven o'clock alarm call was too early?

Free-weights in the Marriot Hotel car park - that's a bit keen!

Overly!

They struggled to get going in the first-half with the aggressive Tigers pack, epitomised by a tenacious triumvirate on the back-row, charging, off-loading and tackling as if their lives depended on it.

So what went wrong for the Ospreys?

While Toby Flood was imperious with the boot, James Hook missed two straight-forward shots at goal. It wasn't until Filo Tiatia came off the bench that the Welsh galacticos got going.

But they did in the end?

Tommy Bowe, the Ospreys outstanding player, almost nicked it in the dying moments with his electrifying predatory pace and vision but Geordan Murphy using all of his experience to nudge him off line, coupled with Harry Ellis' schoolboy bullying spoiled the resulting Ospreys scrum.

The whole of Welford Road breathed a huge sigh of relief?

Absolutely. Winning your home games is crucial but something tells me it's going to come down to the return leg at the Liberty Stadium in January.

What is it with all these away wins?

Seems to be catching on doesn't it...

I checked teletext and it said Scarlets were 16 points up?

The Scarlets came out of the blocks quicker than George Michael reaches for the bottle with Morgan Stoddart scything through a sleeping line of defence before Mark Jones doubled the advantage.

So what happened?

It wasn't the fairy-tale ending at Stradey Park. Chris Malone's inch-perfect cross-field kick gave quicksilver wing, Ugo Monye a clean run in while Danny Care worked wonders behind a bullied Harlequins scrum.

Are they the main challengers to Stade Francais?

Absolutely. Not content with their flash shirts, Juan Martin Hernandez and Lionel Beauxis were showing off with their long-range drop goals.

Good stuff was it?

The pink wall was immovable such was their awe-inspiring defensive work. Human brick Mathieu Bastareaud punched so many holes in Ulster's defence, it began to look like a lump of Emmental cheese while Hernandez was like a remote such was his oozing class and control.

Happy travels then...

As expected but Sale Sharks and Philippe Saint-Andre will be straight on the Vouvray and Steak haché...

A bonus-point win?

They made a huge statement, Luke Abraham, the human dustbin cleaned out all the rubbish at the breakdown, especially for Mark Cueto's bonus-point securing try.

Sounds unbelievable...

From 1-15 it was pure industrious stuff. Water-tight defending coupled with Luke McAllister's intelligence, whose telling contributions to the scoreboard were amplified by his soaring prominence at the restart, gave Sebastien Chabal reason to give an English interview.

Wow! And we've realised Scotland's best isn't good enough...

Slack tackling in the first-half cost the jocks and went into half-time with their kilts wrapped around their ankles at four scores down.

Who were the stars?

Felipe Contepomi, back in his best position at fly-half, combined expertly with Brian O'Driscoll for two of Leinster's four scores and behind Rocky Elsom, a menace on the blindside, carrying straggling Scots on his back with every rampaging run, they made no answer.

A moment of controversy or two, no?

If Andy Robinson was kicking and screaming at half-time, locals would've had to order a civil court action such was his vociferous yelp when Chris Whitaker's hand-of-god to prevent a certain second try.

And the Blues are dreaming of another Heineken Cup run?

18-13 at half-time, whatever Dai Young said over an espresso and amaretti biscuit seemed to do the trick with his troops running in a further seven tries in the second-half. Tom Shanklin, Leigh Halfpenny and Ben Blair, who notched up 21 points, were all on target.

Even the Dragons won...

Amazing stuff really. Rodney Parade won't be used to seeing a home side score 30+ points. They're usually on the receiving end but a Gareth Wyatt brace and one from local hero Colin Charvis made it a weekend to forget for Scotland. Thank-god for the football team eh?