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Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Martin Castrogiovanni: 'Because you're worth it!'

As soon as Martin Castrogiovanni was born in Parana, Argentina, his parents knew he would be different. We're not saying he popped out covered in overgrown facial hair, although Castro's animalistic physical characteristics certainly separate him from the crowd, given the Italian prop's beastly demeanor.

The Leicester Tigers star possesses ape like superhuman physical strength and remarkable agility for his size. Packing unusual heat for a front-rower despite his frame, Castrogiovanni's extremely powerful legs allows him to run through tackles instead of 25-foot jumps over buildings

His witty sense of humour is well known in the Tigers dressing room while his large hands and his razor like paws have enabled him to score a hat-trick against Japan, becoming only the third prop to do so in the history of the game. They also come in handy in the line of combat, another of his endless list of strengths.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


Richie McCaw: No need for weapons...

Richie McCaw is a rugby's foremost vigilante - killing the ball, kidnapping it, be it through extortion, coercion, or torture - using acceptable forms of breakdown battling, 'tackles' McCaw will do anything - put his body on the line and go the extra mile - for the All-Black jersey.

Driven by the death of New Zealand rugby, McCaw often wages a one-man war on the opposition, leading by example and is a master of stealth tactics at the breakdown.

Used conventional weapons but motivated by fanatical hatred for criminals and those Australian criminals, he is as close to human physical perfection as it comes without no superhuman abilities.

Thursday, September 04, 2008


Tom Rees: Late for training?

OK, so he might not be able to set himself alight (unless he's playing with those extra large kitchen matches) but Tom Rees lit up the Guinness Premiership with a series of outstanding performances at the back end of last season.

The ferocious London Wasps and England flanker lives and breathes rugby. Courageous, strong and intelligent, Rees possesses the mental and physical abilities to vaporize the punishing pain of bruising tackles from the biggest superheroes in rugby.

Endless supplies of energy enable him to stay aflame longer than most back-row forwards and once he's at his peak temperature, Rees almost flies from breakdown to breakdown such is his pace.

A potential British Lions and England skipper of the future, even in torrential conditions Rees' powers cannot be extinguished.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008



Part of the X-Men of All-Blacks, Carl Hayman became the 1000th player to don the All-Black jersey and is widely regarded as the best tighthead New Zealand has ever produced,

A brute of a species measuring way beyond the ideal size of the average prop, his scrummaging technique is well suited to his supreme combat skills.

Suprisingly agile and effective runner in the loose for his size, Hayman is an absolute mutant of a prop and well known in folklore to be able to handle a few shandies after the match too.

Even though he is capable to inflict injury, it is startling how the Newcastle Falcon stays injury free drawing similarities with the Wolverine's super-regenerative healing powers.

His sustained fitness levels have encouraged the Otago-born beast to hold his own in the international side to the tune of 48 caps.

His enhanced strength allows him to sense weaknesses in oppositions and recognise when to go in for the kill.

Once he has his sharp claws into someone, they very rarely ever survive such is his ferocious attitude to the game.

Monday, August 04, 2008


Matt Giteau: 'Check out the new kit'

As an Australian he’s used to big spiders and must’ve copped the odd bite here and there.

A mesmerising whiz kid of the game, Matt Giteau possesses fantastic hands and intelligence.

His reflexes are superior to those of any ordinary human being and instead of webbing, his near-perfect passing and infectious abilities have enabled him to develop his creative skills and become one of the world’s leading fly-halves.

Hardly the biggest animal on the park, Giteau’s sixth sense alerts him to evil dangers and using his equilibrium to swing out of attack and dodge enemy fire.

The Wallaby star’s superhuman strength, speed and agility makes him one of the finest athletes in the game and can adapt to a number of positions, notably at 9,10 and 12.

Considering his size and shape, Giteau’s skin has remarkable resistance to pain and injury.

In his spare time, much like Peter Parker, Giteau is a magnet to the camera, although he is more used to standing in front of them.

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