By Tournament /

And what did we learn from our French lesson this week?

Pretty shirts wins you no favours as Stade Francais dropped to their second successive defeat handing over the lead to champions Toulouse. Thierry Dusautoir's second-half score got the better of Andy Goode's booming boot.

Any star pupils?

Top of the class was Fijian flyer Vilimoni Delasau, who ran in three tries to leave Tana Umaga's head on a plate at Toulon. It seems Mourad Boudjellal is picking them off one by one after Jean-Jacques Crenca's dismissal last week.

So, Clermont have been doing their homework?

With a little help from the weather gods, as soon as crackerjack scrum-half Pierre Mignoni went over after five minutes the writing was on the wall for the Parisian artists.

The final round of the lop-sided pool fixtures are finished. Phew! At least, now the [English] clubs will take the competition seriously and field their 1st XV's now they're within a sniff of a trophy.

So who's in the final four?

Two from Wales and two from England - hurrah!

That helps?!

Sooooorrrrry. Ospreys, Blues, Saints and Gloucester. Happy now?

All-Welsh final?

I'm going for a Blues v Gloucester showdown. Now that Leicester aren't in it, the boys from the West Country should be OK.

So pack all the weekend into a little rant then?

Well the south-sea islanders grabbed all the try-scoring headlines. All together they're a right tongue-twister. Sailala Mapasua, Saliosi Tagicakibau, Apo Satala, Maama Molitika and Taufa'ao Flisse.

Imagine their food bill?

I hear they've already had to call Tesco Direct twice in Camp Pacific.

Who were your stars of the weekend?

James Hook packed his kicking boots and was simply immaculate. Equally as impressive was Northampton's goal-kicker Stephen Myler, who pulled off a miraculous tackle on the rampaging Scarlets number eight David Lyons, and two-try wing Chris Ashton.

So when and where are these semi-finals?

Geographically it makes no sense, let alone Coventry's Ricoh Arena having as much rugby blood running through it as Frank Lampard, but on March 28 it's Gloucester v Ospreys and Cardiff v Northampton.

England star Lesley Vainikolo was arrested on Sunday following an alleged assault in Bath that left a man with “life-threatening” head injuries.

The ‘Volcano’ was questioned by police after a fight erupted outside Po Na Na nightclub where the 17stone monster was rumoured to be drinking with friends.

Eye-witnesses claim the victim was knocked down by one single punch before being rushed to the Royal United hospital in Bath.

Bar owner Brett Salako said: "There were smashed beer bottles and glasses on the pavement and in the road.

"It must have been a massive punch-up because there was blood on the floor and it took three of our staff to sweep up the glass from outside.”

The victim regained consciousness on Monday before returning home.

A police spokesperson has said: "A man in his 20s has been arrested and released on bail pending further inquiries."

So Chris [Paterson], what attracted you back to the Magners League? Free cider, your love for seasickness or was it a truck-load of points every week?

I’ll go for all of the above…

Well Mr. Paterson would probably say the latter, especially with Connacht almost gift-wrapping points for Edinburgh on Friday night.

Easy pickings were they?

The Irish boys gave Edinburgh a 27-point head start before waking up. They must’ve been training with Leinster this week…

Three defeats on the bounce - time to start worrying?

Not much room for error because the Ospreys and Munster aren’t going to lose many.

Did the Warriors impress you?

Max Evans gave Luke Fitzgerald the run around all evening but it was our number one player of all time, Dan Parks, who kicked the Dublin boys right in the tinkers with all 15 points.

Talk about receiving the mother of all blows… losing to Ulster???

Munster copped their first defeat in eight competitive games this season. But that’ll teach you for fielding weakened sides, eh Tony [McGahan].

Who was prominent for Ulster?

David Pollock was outstanding, wrestling like a bull terrier whose ball had been stolen, and the equally as hungry wingers, Andrew Trimble and Fijian rocket Timoci Nagusa, pierced the game-line like battling NFL running backs.

So what does all this mean?

The Ospreys can clip their wings and fly to the top with their game in hand but it looks ominous for the reigning champions. Even Glasgow are above them now.