By Tournament /

Do you think Pieter de Villiers would swap places with Robbie Deans? Scratch that. He’d probably take Ant & Dec’s slot if it was available.

The Wallabies are aiming to do the unthinkable and win back t back Test matches in South Africa while the Boks are staring down the barrel of following England’s lead and making a right dogs dinner out of defending the realm.

Dingo Deans has already won the Mandela Trophy courtesy of two wins in Perth and Durban and now he even has the luxury of freshening things up for the crucial contest against South Africa in Johannesburg as the Wallabies aim to firmly grip one tight hand on the TriNations title.

Dual international Timana Tahu has been handed a first Wallabies start in Johannesburg, joining Adam Ashley-Cooper, Hugh McMeniman, Phil Waugh and Tatafu Polota-Nau in the 1st XV as Drew Mitchell, George Smith and Stephen Moore drop to the bench and Dan Vickerman,is crook.

De Villiers’ face already has about 150 holes dotted around the critics’ dartboards and will hope reinforcements, Odwa Ndungane and Brian Mujati, who return in place of the injured JP Pietersen and CJ Van der Linde respectively, can postpone the arrows until Novemeber at least.

Bismarck du Plessis and Tendai Mtawirara have been cleared to play but what must Joe Van Niekerk be thinking? How can the under-fire Pierre Spies and Danie Rossouw be more deserving? And who says favouritism exists in sport?

South Africa: 15 Conrad Jantjes, 14 Odwa Ndungane, 13 Adrian Jacobs, 12 Jean de Villiers, 11 Jongi Nokwe, 10 Butch James, 9 Fourie du Preez, 8 Pierre Spies, 7 Juan Smith, 6 Schalk Burger, 5 Victor Matfield (c), 4 Andries Bekker, 3 Brian Mujati, 2 Bismarck du Plessis, 1 Beast Mtawarira.

Replacements: 16 Adriaan Strauss, 17 Jannie du Plessis, 18 Danie Rossouw, 19 Luke Watson, 20 Ricky Januarie, 21 Ruan Pienaar, 22 Percy Montgomery.

Australia: 15 Adam Ashley-Cooper, 14 Peter Hynes, 13 Stirling Mortlock (c), 12 Timana Tahu,11 Lote Tuqiri, 10 Matt Giteau, 9 Sam Cordingley, 8 Wycliff Palu, 7 Phil Waugh, 6 Rocky Elsom, 5 Hugh McMeniman, 4 James Horwill, 3 Matt Dunning, 2 Tatafu Polota-Nau, 1 Benn Robinson.

Replacements: 16 Stephen Moore, 17 Al Baxter, 18 Dean Mumm, 19 George Smith, 20 Brett Sheehan, 21 Ryan Cross, 22 Drew Mitchell.

Down at the Guinness Premiership launch at the oh so swanky Park Lane Hilton, most of the monotonous merry-go-round was about as entertaining as a rainy weekend in Margate, but praise the lord for Eddie Jones.

A positive spin on the Experimental Law Variations is as rare as an endorsement of Paris Hilton’s pop career - even Barrack Obama would struggle to turn the new laws into gold - and the latest scathing attack on the ELVs has hit harder and deeper than the Titanic plundered into the Atlantic.

Saracens boss, Jones, pointed rugby’s sinking ship to similar mire to cricket’s voyage into reality sports television.

Most of the Guinness Premiership bosses took a somewhat more Tony Blair approach to diplomacy, but Jones launched himself so far off the fence, humpty dumpty didn't fall as fast.

"The important thing is to improve rugby. To judge the ELVs you have to ask 'have they made the game better?"' Jones argued.

"Better does not necessarily mean more entertaining. If you want entertainment, you watch Twenty20 cricket. We don't want rugby to be Twenty20 cricket.

"That has to be the judgment line. These changes have been made with a view to entertainment, not to improving rugby.”

Why couldn’t he just say ‘if it’s not broken, don’t fix it.’

The Magners League will endure its last season of winner takes all rugby as the Celts prepare for the end of year play-offs scheduled for 2009/10.

Celtic Rugby is always striving to align itself with other professional rugby tournaments around the world," said Celtic Rugby director David Jordan.

"Consequently, this season will be the last that the Magners League is played in its present format.

"From 2009/10, we will be introducing an end-of-season play-off to determine the Magners League champions, with the top four teams qualifying for the knockout stage.

"A grand final will provide a great day out for fans and commercial partners alike."

There’s been Facebook groups, forum protests and widespread calls for the Guinness Premiership to come back to terrestrial television and guess what?  Your prayers have been answered.

Premier Rugby, Guinness and ITV have joined forces to give the world’s top domestic league a regular hourly highlights spot on Sundays at 6:30pm.

Anchored by Irish nice guy Craig Doyle AKA ‘you may know me from such programmes as Tomorrow’s World, Diggit and Holiday,’ all 22 rounds will be covered with extended highlights of the semi-finals and final… All on ITV 4 - so get down to Lidl and buy your set top box.

So the French beat us to the post just like they did with that Ceefax service..

Sure did, but at least a Brit came up with the internet...

It only seems like five minutes since Toulouse lifted the trophy...

I know - poor old journalists must be shattered and all Gauloise'd out.

So are Toulouse going to storm to the title...

Not if the opener's anything to go by. Montpellier stunned the champions with a sublime all-round performance epitomised by an athletic back-row effort from Messrs Picamoles, Ouedrago and Wasseman.

What about the other likely lads?

Stade Francais gave early evidence of their title ambitions as well as Dax's impending doom. It's going to be a long season, especially if they come up against more showings like Sergio Parisse's who bagged a brace of tries.

And Toulon? Is it just money for nothing?

The cheques won't be bouncing this week as Sonny Bill Williams proved he's just as worth it as Penelope Cruz with a debut try to spark a magnficent second-half comeback to see off Clermont Auvergne.

So who else starred?

The game of the opening night was in Castres where Bayonne continued their fine pre-season stuff with a shock one-point away victory. Individually, Valentin Courrent won the kicking duel with Benjamin Boyet as Biarritz beat the spirited Bourgoin boys. And Fijian flyer Vilimoni Delasau scored two of Montauban's four tries as they waltzed past Mont-de-Marsan while Perpignan warmed up for life with Dan Carter with a solid win over Brive.

Results

Biarritz 29-22 Bourgoin
Montauban 37-19 Mont-de-Marsan
Montpellier 16-11 Toulouse
Dax 9-31Stade Francais
Castres 26-27 Bayonne
Perpignan 34-18 Brive
Toulon 22-16 Clermont Auvergne