By Country / Italy

Maximum points, five tries – job done – if only. The sobering result only told half of the story as Italy gift-wrapped a morale-boosting win for Martin Johnson’s cohorts and pointed towards a brighter spring following a dull, dreary and altogether dreadful autumn.

A win’s a win and it would be very English to be ungrateful for the belated present but the nervous cobwebs from hosting a record-breaking southern hemisphere festival clearly still lingers inside the stitches of every English jersey.

The Six Nations will teach Johnson a lot about the state of English rugby and his bright young things but the examinations and real tests will start in Cardiff in round two.

If these unimaginative laws persuade teams that death by territory is less painful than a valiant defeat in effort, then we might be onto something.

The mismatched clash became instantly dominated by long aimless punting with England happy to donate Italy possession, who were awaiting their punishment like a child caught stealing. If this was England’s blueprint for success, then it was spot on.

This was meant to be an Italian side arriving with serious ambitions of a first English Six Nations scalp. It played out more like 22 schoolboys dressed in blue just here to make up the numbers.

Italy resembled the basic skills and tactical nous of the local Richmond U8s at times and utilised the ball as if it were infested with a life-threatening disease.

Chief culprit was Mauro Bergamasco. Nick Mallett accepted full responsibility for his scrum-halves shocker but for such a player of outstanding quality, it must’ve felt like his limbs had all gone into meltdown. It was soul-destroying.

Equally as confusing as Mallett’s post-match press conference, perhaps M. Bergamasco’s position on the team-sheet was also misinterpreted by the Italian players.

How Mallett could do with one or two more Sergio Parisse’s? The outstanding skipper, like the bravest roman gladiators of the ancient era, would live and die for his team-mates and his public.

Parisse is the heartbeat of Italian rugby and although his passion and endeavour is only matched on occasions by his team-mates, there is unparalleled distinctions in quality.

Johnson reckons England "don't have a problem with indiscipline." Yeah, and Rob Andrew's found a cure for cancer?! Ten penalties in the first half suggests it’s more than just a petit addiction.

The positives? Man-of-the-match Harry Ellis, playing only his second game in eight weeks, twice kicked his heels to dive over, while Mark Cueto’s comeback was capped by polishing off some sweeping hands.

James Haskell managed to tarnish his best game in an England shirt with more evidence of his childish knack for a yellow-card.

Solid if unspectacular, Andy Goode got off to a dream start but unfortunately the next 79 minutes illustrated the seismic gap between a domestic kingpin and international lightweight.

This flawed one-sided contest won't live long in the memory, just like it won’t do much to inspire hours of meticulous video analysis but putting his pragmatists cap on, Johnson will be extremely satisfied for a first Test win.