Who allowed the guy from ZZ Top in?
England 6-32 New ZealandPhew! Thank God that’s over. The chilly English autumn has passed and it won’t live long in the memory if the huge sighs of relief at Twickenham were anything to go by.
When Martin Johnson was given the keys to the England dressing room, there was a clean bill of fresh air around HQ, but after three punishing defeats against their southern hemisphere foes, the merky cloud hanging over the team and the quality of personnel making the important decisions upstairs shows no sign of shifting.
It would be rude to dwell on England’s autumn failures, especially with rugby royalty present. And the all-conquering All-Blacks justified their status as the sport’s kings with a second Grand Slam in three years whilst remarkably keeping their try-line in tact en route.
This might not be the best All-Black army of recent battles - the 2007 XV would even wage a war for that title – but as Graham Henry worryingly reminded some naïve English quarters, this All-Blacks machine is still developing.
A scary statement considering Martin Johnson and his coaching panel have hammered home the current ‘development’ phase at every given opportunity.
Yes they are young. Correct it has been the most brutal of lessons, but all four of the home nations have found their basic skills, tactical acumen and most importantly their discipline a distant second best.
Had the mesmerising skills of Dan Carter been functioning properly, another Twickenham record would’ve undoubtedly been shredded.
Carter missed five kicks at goal – two absolute sitters – that amounted to 13 points and with a little more precision at the final pass plenty would have followed.
English quartet, Lee Mears, James Haskell, Toby Flood and replacement Tom Rees, were all banished to the sin-bin under the strict stewardship of Allain Rolland.
Deserved? Mears and Rees were both mystified by their decisions while Flood could count himself desperately unlucky that the touchline judge didn’t show some sympathy, especially after dubiously missing a cheap-shot on Steve Borthwick from Brad Thorn in the first of several midfield scuffles.
All great teams are built on a mean defence and it doesn’t take a Woodward or a White to endorse the art. If South Africa showed resilience and guts by the bucket-load last weekend, the All-Blacks were equally as impressive.
Mils Muliana’s tap tackle on Nick Easter merely seconds after both teams had re-entered the fray was a crucial turning point and would’ve reduced the arrears to a single point.
Quickly followed by Flood’s ten-minute break, it summed up England’s autumn baptism, according to Johnson. Every time they barely got close to the try-line or commanding decent field position, petulance and poor decision-making scuppered any momentum.
Whether by fluke or stunning judgement a moment of magic did eventually arrive.
How apt it came via Dan Carter’s below-par boots. As he did for the game’s first try, Muliana was in the right place at the right time, gobbling up the genius’ jaw-dropping chip before Ma’a Nonu’s 50m dash completed the rout.
Even when he’s not at his best Carter can still conjure up a trick or two and that is the worrying benchmark that England must aspire too. Keeping possession would be a good place to start considering the first and third scores came from English chokes.
Martin Johnson claimed that England made New Zealand look average at times and was pleased with his troops all-round effort and strength of character but even a belated show of balls doesn’t win you Test matches let alone supporters.
This isn’t the X-Factor. It isn’t a popularity contest. Johnson might’ve been the fashionable choice as Team Manager but as soon as his employers realise that the Twickenham boos aren’t votes of confidence, we might start seeing some progress.