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Friday, August 22, 2008


Gary Glitter: Fancy hitting Leeds instead ladies?

So what are you doing this bank holiday weekend? Putting up a fence? Going camping? Or playing backgammon whilst listening to the raucous rain rattling against your window? Probably the latter if you're in the British Isles. Well here's the betting, and the usual gobbledigoop as if we were writing this from the pub... If only!

TriNations Betting

Australia to win @ 2/1 with betChronicle
Stirling Mortlock to score first try @ 20/1 with totesport
South Africa at half-time, Australia at full-time @ 9/1 with vc bet
South Africa to win by more than 4 points @ 5/6 with sportingbet

Things we might see

John Prescott and Jodie Marsh knocking back the shots in Mayfair
Steve Harmison having second thoughts about his international return
"Oh didn't he do well" - Britain's reaction to Tom Daley's solo platform dive
David Beckham and Leona Lewis engaging in some harmless giggling
All rugby fans saying the Olympics would've been better if rugby was in it

Things we won't see

Gary Glitter pitching up at the Reading Festival..
A-Levels getting harder...
Pieter de Villiers praising the IRB for all their hard work...
John Terry admitting he deserved the England captaincy more than Rio
Nike showing similar sentiment to the US relay team as Liu Xiang

Thursday, August 21, 2008

                        Lawrence will be a bit past it by then...


Usain Bolt: 'My missus was impressed I lasted this long'

Usain Bolt - we'd like to see him tracking Shane Williams on a soggy Swansea Friday night with Mizuno Timaru high-tops, or Lionel Messi skipping around Richie McCaw at the breakdown. We'll see how skilful he is then.

David Oliver? We'd take Anton Oliver any day. And what about Phillips Odowu's red hair. It might be alright for Sir Clive, but Johnno would ensure he'd get his fair share of stray boots.

Well here's our Olympic XV anyway...

15: Todd Rogers (USA Volleyball): Good attacking the high ball..
14: Usain Bolt (Jamaica 200m): No one else comes close...
13: David Oliver (USA 110m hurdles): Obstacles are not a problem...
12: Ben Ainslie (Great Britain Sailing): A master of all conditions...
11: Richard Thompson (Trinidad 100m): The next best after Bolt..
10: Zou Kai (China Gymnastics): Versatility personified...
9: Lionel Messi (Argentina Football): Playmaking genius and slick passer...
8: Tomasz Majewski (Poland Shot Put): Good ball carrier...
7: Bradley Wiggins (Great Britain Cycling: Never ending source of energy...
6: Emilio Correa Bayeaux (Cuba Boxing): Every side needs a scrapper...
5: Michael Phelps (USA Swimming): Athletic, tall and cracking stealer...
4: Yao Ming (China Basketball): Man mountain wouldn't even need lifting...
3: Matthias Steiner (Germany Weightlifting): Strongest man in the field...
2: He Chong (China Diving): Extremely handy at the body tuck...
1: Andrei Aramnau (Belarus Weightlifting): Devastating clean jerk...

Coach: Clive Woodward/Bernard Laporte - experience in both although how they're earning a crust in athletics no one knows...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008



Part of the X-Men of All-Blacks, Carl Hayman became the 1000th player to don the All-Black jersey and is widely regarded as the best tighthead New Zealand has ever produced,

A brute of a species measuring way beyond the ideal size of the average prop, his scrummaging technique is well suited to his supreme combat skills.

Suprisingly agile and effective runner in the loose for his size, Hayman is an absolute mutant of a prop and well known in folklore to be able to handle a few shandies after the match too.

Even though he is capable to inflict injury, it is startling how the Newcastle Falcon stays injury free drawing similarities with the Wolverine's super-regenerative healing powers.

His sustained fitness levels have encouraged the Otago-born beast to hold his own in the international side to the tune of 48 caps.

His enhanced strength allows him to sense weaknesses in oppositions and recognise when to go in for the kill.

Once he has his sharp claws into someone, they very rarely ever survive such is his ferocious attitude to the game.

                        Amazing what a litre of moonshine does for you...

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