By Tournament / Top 14

And what did we learn from our French lesson this week?

Pretty shirts wins you no favours as Stade Francais dropped to their second successive defeat handing over the lead to champions Toulouse. Thierry Dusautoir's second-half score got the better of Andy Goode's booming boot.

Any star pupils?

Top of the class was Fijian flyer Vilimoni Delasau, who ran in three tries to leave Tana Umaga's head on a plate at Toulon. It seems Mourad Boudjellal is picking them off one by one after Jean-Jacques Crenca's dismissal last week.

So, Clermont have been doing their homework?

With a little help from the weather gods, as soon as crackerjack scrum-half Pierre Mignoni went over after five minutes the writing was on the wall for the Parisian artists.

Another sack load of tries. Wish they'd send some over on the ferry...

It’d be nice. At least we’ll see what we’re missing out on next week…

Is your girlfriend sending over the recorded highlights from France?

No. It’s the Heineken Cup and the top four are looking magnifique!

Can anyone cling onto Stade Francais?

Montauban were dreaming of oysters, champagne and brothels going in 9-9 at the break but four second-half tries did the business with wing Djibril Camara touching down.

Can they reclaim the trophy?

Ewen McKenzie’s brought his success with the Waratahs over to the capital and has instilled a real workmanlike ethic that was sometimes lost behind all the glitz and glam last year.

Looking familiar at the top now…

Wait until Christmas when the Heineken Cup hangover kicks in. It could play into Perpignan’s hands and judging by their steamrolling performance past Toulon, a little bit of Dan Carter magic could be just the tipple - Plus one-man advantages every week as Tana Umaga’s side shipped in four in ten minutes.

And Clermont Auvergne? Are they coming into some form?

Brock James (17 points) is splitting the sticks and Napolioni Nalaga crossing the whitewash in successive weeks, so it seems normal service is resuming.

Any news from Biarritz? Is Eddie en route?

Hold your 2CV’s for one moment. Biarritz scored six tries with kingpin Damien Traille going over twice. Not quite as impressive as Brive full-back Norman Ligairi who bagged himself a hat-trick.

Things are really picking up for all the Midlanders now?

Another flawless kicking display from Andy Goode set the tone while Ben Cohen looks like the French diet of red wine, fresh fish and petit fours is doing the trick. Who knows, maybe Austin Healey will pop up there someday?

If he can drag his huge guns off the dancefloor?

I think the French would kick him back quicker than Dawn French could munch her way through a cheesecake...

 
So they're not best pleased in France with these ELVs either?

At least Top 14's finest are scoring tries though...
 
Lots of points this weekend then?
 
Only Dax and Toulon failed to cross the whitewash as Andy Goode finally announced himself to the Brive faithful with a vinage 19-point show.
 
Who scored more than I did Saturday night?
 
Clermont Auvergne are back-in-business in ruthless fashion thrashing a poor Biarritz side with Napolioni Nalaga and Anthony Flosch tries sealing a bonus-point.

Les Januards edging closer to the top...

Stade Francais streched their lead to six points despite only scoring two tries with debutant Mark Gasnier scoring and the impeccable boot's of Beauxis and Hernandez stearing them to victory.

With Perpignan losing, who's now in second spot?

Bayonne's flawless home-form continues with Cedric Garcia's solitary try enough to mute Toulon. Dan Carter might've been in London but his new employers struggled against Toulouse's all-action display with Byron Kellher fizzing around the fringes and centre pairing, Yannick Jauzion and Florian Fritz running and off-loading all match.

Any dramas like a punch-up or a derisory moustache?

Anthony Lagardere was hanging his head in shame after missing a last-minute conversion for Castres but nothing as serious as an out-of-place strand of hair.