By Tournament / Top 14

 
So they're not best pleased in France with these ELVs either?

At least Top 14's finest are scoring tries though...
 
Lots of points this weekend then?
 
Only Dax and Toulon failed to cross the whitewash as Andy Goode finally announced himself to the Brive faithful with a vinage 19-point show.
 
Who scored more than I did Saturday night?
 
Clermont Auvergne are back-in-business in ruthless fashion thrashing a poor Biarritz side with Napolioni Nalaga and Anthony Flosch tries sealing a bonus-point.

Les Januards edging closer to the top...

Stade Francais streched their lead to six points despite only scoring two tries with debutant Mark Gasnier scoring and the impeccable boot's of Beauxis and Hernandez stearing them to victory.

With Perpignan losing, who's now in second spot?

Bayonne's flawless home-form continues with Cedric Garcia's solitary try enough to mute Toulon. Dan Carter might've been in London but his new employers struggled against Toulouse's all-action display with Byron Kellher fizzing around the fringes and centre pairing, Yannick Jauzion and Florian Fritz running and off-loading all match.

Any dramas like a punch-up or a derisory moustache?

Anthony Lagardere was hanging his head in shame after missing a last-minute conversion for Castres but nothing as serious as an out-of-place strand of hair.

Fantastic trip down to the South of France this week...

Did you join the hoards at Perpignan for the arrival of Sir Daniel Carter?

C'est magnifique! 3,000 people but shame about the spread... Chocolate prawns weren't my cup of tea...

I wouldn't dunk them in my brew!

Another of those Kiwis, Byron Kelleher, fully deserved his Top 14 Player of the Year award. no?..

Absolutely and he'll get to celebrate it in style if Perpignan continue their dreadful record on Toulouse soil - 27 years without even a sniff of a victory.

Not such luck for some other Antipodeans I see......

Yeah it was a shame about Hayley Westerna slipping on stage.

No I meant Tana and Sonny...

Both have been dominating the headlines for one reason or another and the Roman Abromovich show starring their ego-obsessed chairman clearly doesn't care for reputations or an ugly face come to think of it.

Neither do Dax in recent weeks...

Nippy full-back Alexis Palisson, who enjoyed a word or two with Lote Tuqiri this summer, is back for Brive, who host Dax where rare bonuses have been coming thick and fast after two dizzy wins on the bounce..

One club clearly not operating on a bonus budget are Montauban.

The credit crunch is feasting its way down the West coast of France and Lionel Nallet's presence in the Castres side isn't likely to encourage freebies either.

Where's le crunch this weekend?

In Clermont with Biarritz's record on the road rivaling my driving license. Plenty of points but far to many blemishes.

Can't look past the table toppers surely?

Juan Martin Hernandez and Lionel Beauxis are set to swap positions again while league import Mark Gasnier may also figure.