Scrum of the Earth /

Watch My Space, according to the Sun, Her Majesty is all about surfing these days? More Apple than Rip Curl. But what are you up to this weekend? Painting your nails, hoping Friday's sunshine lasts until Saturday lunch with the girls or bouncing off the walls because there's no Big Brother! Hurrah! Here's our Friday fun, it's The Weekend Watch.

What you might see...

Robinho to score the winner as Manchester City beat Chelsea 2-1
New internet geek, The Queen, signing up for Facebook
Graham Henry giving it the 'I told you so' treatment
Thousands of holiday makers forced to take an extra week in the sun on XL
Big Brother bums enjoying their last five minutes of fame (we live in hope)

What you definitely won't see...

Kelly Brook tucking into a meat pie at Adams Park with beau Danny Cipriani
Jack Straw going to a birthday bash at Wandsworth prison all dressed up
Pieter de Villiers hitting Tesco car-parks with three strippers
Paris Hilton's documentary being chucked in the bin
US baseball fans rejoicing that their number one sport was invented in Surrey

(Drumroll) Yes it's Friday, two days off - if you're lucky - and time to kick back, mock all the misinterpreted predictions of scorching weekend weather (as if you knew better) and open up a nice bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. If you don't like white, then try green or gold with a little wager on South Africa getting their fragile bottoms served up on a plate by Australia. Otherwise you might want to check out for these… or not!

What might happen...

Prince Harry rethinks his admission about going to war after a couple of beers with the lads
UK head-teachers saying they deserve more cash despite being the best paid in the world
Football dominating 80% of the national newspapers sports column inches - not bitter... much!
Everyone rejoicing that there's only one more week of Big Brother 9 - Hurrah!
Australian rugby fans preparing their 'we're the best in the world' speeches

What won't happen...

Anyone saying a bad word about Barack Obama
Pieter de Villiers being caught on his own in a lap-dancing club at the bottom of the bottle
Michael Jackson celebrating his 50th birthday with a magician and a puppet show
Gordon Brown's new council housing plans greeted with applause in the House of Commons
‘Cheeta the Chimp’ commanding an audience with hundreds of book critics about his life as a Hollywood superstar.

So what are you doing this bank holiday weekend? Putting up a fence? Going camping? Or playing backgammon whilst listening to the raucous rain rattling against your window? Probably the latter if you're in the British Isles. Well here's the betting, and the usual gobbledigoop as if we were writing this from the pub... If only!

TriNations Betting

Australia to win @ 2/1 with betChronicle
Stirling Mortlock to score first try @ 20/1 with totesport
South Africa at half-time, Australia at full-time @ 9/1 with vc bet
South Africa to win by more than 4 points @ 5/6 with sportingbet

Things we might see

John Prescott and Jodie Marsh knocking back the shots in Mayfair
Steve Harmison having second thoughts about his international return
"Oh didn't he do well" - Britain's reaction to Tom Daley's solo platform dive
David Beckham and Leona Lewis engaging in some harmless giggling
All rugby fans saying the Olympics would've been better if rugby was in it

Things we won't see

Gary Glitter pitching up at the Reading Festival..
A-Levels getting harder...
Pieter de Villiers praising the IRB for all their hard work...
John Terry admitting he deserved the England captaincy more than Rio
Nike showing similar sentiment to the US relay team as Liu Xiang

Read all about it! 15-year-old weighs in at 33 stone. Hardly the political line we like to take on a Friday, but apart from talking about Posh, Rooney and Boobies, it’s big news in The Sun. Here’s a few other things you can look forward to this weekend…

What you might see?

35 illegal Bolivian immigrants turning up on your front door
David Milliband practicing first Prime Minister’s speech in his bathroom mirror
Rafael Nadal serving up Andy Murray’s arse on a plate
Robbie Deans receiving a hero’s welcome in Auckland
Journalists planning the quickest route out of China

What you won’t see?

People giving a second thought to the Big Brother eviction
Verne Troyer AKA Mini-Me picking fights with females
Michael Vaughan booking his flights to the West Indies for February
Joey Barton becoming the new face of Children In Need
Graham Henry being offered an extension to his New Zealand deal