Scrum of the Earth /

Met some Luton football fans on the train to Twickenham...

Poor blokes. Switched their allegiances have they?

Can you blame them?

Mad as hatters!

So Irish showed immediate life after Lawrence is pretty gloomy?

Bruno Nero would’ve swapped his pipe and slippers for a pair of boots and waterproofs any day.

So Wasps could’ve done with a bit of his magic mouth then?

Absolutely. You could imagine him perched on his emperors throne fiercely shaking his head like a disapproving father who’d just caught his lad taking first dibs on his newly purchased Sunday newspaper.

But he’s got his pension to think of now…

He’d have been proud of his future bridge partner…

Who, Rob Andrew?

No, Mike Catt. “The midfield general” as Toby Booth calls him, orchestrated matters like Bach in his hey-day. On this form and under the watchful eye of his old drinking buddy Brian Smith, I’d throw him the England shirt!

Enough of all this coddleswallop! Back to the action…

Scrappy really. London Irish were far more pragmatic and Stefon Armitage bossed the back-row battle, overshadowing both Tom Rees and James Haskell. And he’d only started training this week…

Not a good day at the Wasps office then?

Wasps were blowing out of their proverbial toilet seat cushions by 50 minutes and were strangely bereft of ideas, decision makers and direction – entirely the opposite to Irish.

Seriously though, tell me about the tries?

Well Wasps clearly didn't do their homework on Nick Kennedy. Throwing a lob ball on your own 5m line was schoolboy stuff. They were rightly punished when Chris 'ain't never heard of the Atkins diet' Hala'ufia pounced quickest. Richard Thorpe's second was worse.

Any Wasps?

Tom Rees and Eoin Reddan tries kept them in with a shout and they were harshly dealt a stinker in injury time when the 'ELV-bug' struck and a blatant penalty try was ruled out.

Who stood out for you?

Armitage and Kennedy for London Irish were immense. Both were obviously keen to make an impression in front of the whole England coaching panel, which were casting their opinions like Messrs Cowell & Co.

Fully deserved?

Like my pint of ale that's waiting...