Scrum of the Earth /

It's a very sombre Friday at Scrum Towers after Thursday night's overzealous ambition of kicking off the weekend a day early with copious Tuaca shots, High Fidelity cocktails and a small dose of skull-thuggery. Still two days of pure relaxation awaits, unless you're named and shamed in our Weekend Watch.

All four Welsh regions giving the English a spanking
Tana Umaga booking his flight back to New Zealand
More than 80% of scores this weekend coming via the boot
Another high-profile England injury...
Jonny Wilkinson putting in for a knee transplant

Things that won't happen...

Kelly Brook getting a tattoo of Danny Cipriani's face on her arm
WAG Charlotte Mears dining with Quins beefcake Ceri Jones
Peter Mandelson bringing in Francis Baron to the Labour cabinet
Dean Richards taking a leaf out of Joe Kinnear's swear book with referee rant
Owen Farrell putting in a worse shift than his father on rugby union debut