Scrum of the Earth /

Another sack load of tries. Wish they'd send some over on the ferry...

It’d be nice. At least we’ll see what we’re missing out on next week…

Is your girlfriend sending over the recorded highlights from France?

No. It’s the Heineken Cup and the top four are looking magnifique!

Can anyone cling onto Stade Francais?

Montauban were dreaming of oysters, champagne and brothels going in 9-9 at the break but four second-half tries did the business with wing Djibril Camara touching down.

Can they reclaim the trophy?

Ewen McKenzie’s brought his success with the Waratahs over to the capital and has instilled a real workmanlike ethic that was sometimes lost behind all the glitz and glam last year.

Looking familiar at the top now…

Wait until Christmas when the Heineken Cup hangover kicks in. It could play into Perpignan’s hands and judging by their steamrolling performance past Toulon, a little bit of Dan Carter magic could be just the tipple - Plus one-man advantages every week as Tana Umaga’s side shipped in four in ten minutes.

And Clermont Auvergne? Are they coming into some form?

Brock James (17 points) is splitting the sticks and Napolioni Nalaga crossing the whitewash in successive weeks, so it seems normal service is resuming.

Any news from Biarritz? Is Eddie en route?

Hold your 2CV’s for one moment. Biarritz scored six tries with kingpin Damien Traille going over twice. Not quite as impressive as Brive full-back Norman Ligairi who bagged himself a hat-trick.

Things are really picking up for all the Midlanders now?

Another flawless kicking display from Andy Goode set the tone while Ben Cohen looks like the French diet of red wine, fresh fish and petit fours is doing the trick. Who knows, maybe Austin Healey will pop up there someday?

If he can drag his huge guns off the dancefloor?

I think the French would kick him back quicker than Dawn French could munch her way through a cheesecake...