So we're all done and dusted for week one then?

Unfortunately so and we couldn't have asked much more from Sunday's crackers at Welford Road and down in the south of France.

Poor old Bath. Such an inspiring effort...

They conceded far too many turnovers - 11 in first half alone - and the team's signature confidence was somewhat brash at times.

But they scored two tries in Toulouse!!!!

It's no mean feat. OK, Nick Abendanon's stunning score with two minutes to go highlighted his burgeoning talents but Bath all too often ran it from deep inside their own half, handing over possession at critical stages, when a big boot downfield would've done the job cost them in the final act.

Step up Monsieur Skrela...

David Skrela turned from villain to hero in a matter of seconds, as his kick agonisingly drifted back to break Bath hearts.

From one fly-half to another, how did Cipriani get on?

Danny and best pal, Josh Lewsey produced a neat cameo to seal victory. But it was all over inside 22 minutes after Paul Sackey and Tom Voyce clipped their wings to go over.

Another home bonus point missed...

Crucial error, especially with Leinster cleaning up yesterday.

Wow! I’m shattered...

You must be happy - Leeds United win yesterday and now the Tigers...

It was a titanic tussle. No tries, very few chances and neither team could grab any ascendancy in the second-half. But the Ospreys will be happy with a losing bonus-point.

Sounds compelling?

It was Test match stuff - a pure arm-wrestle. Jordan Crane's metallic blue scrum-cap bundling through the hard-yards was a constant feature alongside the athletic Tom Croft who sparkled in the Leicestershire sunshine, proving he is most certainly England's premier blindside flanker.

Perhaps the Ospreys seven o'clock alarm call was too early?

Free-weights in the Marriot Hotel car park - that's a bit keen!

Overly!

They struggled to get going in the first-half with the aggressive Tigers pack, epitomised by a tenacious triumvirate on the back-row, charging, off-loading and tackling as if their lives depended on it.

So what went wrong for the Ospreys?

While Toby Flood was imperious with the boot, James Hook missed two straight-forward shots at goal. It wasn't until Filo Tiatia came off the bench that the Welsh galacticos got going.

But they did in the end?

Tommy Bowe, the Ospreys outstanding player, almost nicked it in the dying moments with his electrifying predatory pace and vision but Geordan Murphy using all of his experience to nudge him off line, coupled with Harry Ellis' schoolboy bullying spoiled the resulting Ospreys scrum.

The whole of Welford Road breathed a huge sigh of relief?

Absolutely. Winning your home games is crucial but something tells me it's going to come down to the return leg at the Liberty Stadium in January.

What is it with all these away wins?

Seems to be catching on doesn't it...

I checked teletext and it said Scarlets were 16 points up?

The Scarlets came out of the blocks quicker than George Michael reaches for the bottle with Morgan Stoddart scything through a sleeping line of defence before Mark Jones doubled the advantage.

So what happened?

It wasn't the fairy-tale ending at Stradey Park. Chris Malone's inch-perfect cross-field kick gave quicksilver wing, Ugo Monye a clean run in while Danny Care worked wonders behind a bullied Harlequins scrum.

Are they the main challengers to Stade Francais?

Absolutely. Not content with their flash shirts, Juan Martin Hernandez and Lionel Beauxis were showing off with their long-range drop goals.

Good stuff was it?

The pink wall was immovable such was their awe-inspiring defensive work. Human brick Mathieu Bastareaud punched so many holes in Ulster's defence, it began to look like a lump of Emmental cheese while Hernandez was like a remote such was his oozing class and control.

Happy travels then...

As expected but Sale Sharks and Philippe Saint-Andre will be straight on the Vouvray and Steak haché...

A bonus-point win?

They made a huge statement, Luke Abraham, the human dustbin cleaned out all the rubbish at the breakdown, especially for Mark Cueto's bonus-point securing try.

Sounds unbelievable...

From 1-15 it was pure industrious stuff. Water-tight defending coupled with Luke McAllister's intelligence, whose telling contributions to the scoreboard were amplified by his soaring prominence at the restart, gave Sebastien Chabal reason to give an English interview.

Wow! And we've realised Scotland's best isn't good enough...

Slack tackling in the first-half cost the jocks and went into half-time with their kilts wrapped around their ankles at four scores down.

Who were the stars?

Felipe Contepomi, back in his best position at fly-half, combined expertly with Brian O'Driscoll for two of Leinster's four scores and behind Rocky Elsom, a menace on the blindside, carrying straggling Scots on his back with every rampaging run, they made no answer.

A moment of controversy or two, no?

If Andy Robinson was kicking and screaming at half-time, locals would've had to order a civil court action such was his vociferous yelp when Chris Whitaker's hand-of-god to prevent a certain second try.

And the Blues are dreaming of another Heineken Cup run?

18-13 at half-time, whatever Dai Young said over an espresso and amaretti biscuit seemed to do the trick with his troops running in a further seven tries in the second-half. Tom Shanklin, Leigh Halfpenny and Ben Blair, who notched up 21 points, were all on target.

Even the Dragons won...

Amazing stuff really. Rodney Parade won't be used to seeing a home side score 30+ points. They're usually on the receiving end but a Gareth Wyatt brace and one from local hero Colin Charvis made it a weekend to forget for Scotland. Thank-god for the football team eh?

The launch of Apollo Heineken Cup 2008/9 rocketed out of orbit on Friday night with the galaxy of superstars dressed in red finding their opening journey into Europe anything but a smooth ride.


Well that wasn't what I envisaged...

Jammy feckers! Ronan O'Gara's savings account is clocking up a healthy sum of bonuses...

It could've been a disastrous start to their defence - Thomond Park breathed a huge sigh of relief?

Wayne Barnes' strict adjudication of the breakdown laws itched away under Munster's skin but the 77th minute penalty offering meant the 26,000 fans could pull the blinkers away from their eyes.

Montauban kicker Petre Mitu missed three pot-shots at goal no?

It was a cruel first examination for the man-of-the-match. He worked his hustling and bustling back-row into the ground, preventing Munster from bossing the breakdown and building a platform.

So were Munster just awful?

They were also guilty of trying to play too much rugby - a recurring factor since the introduction of these muddled ELVs...

And Perpignan needed a bit of Dan Carter magic?

It was pretty uninspiring stuff. How much they will rue the missed home sundries only time will tell but Leicester and the Ospreys will expect to pick up maximum offerings both home and away.

The feisty Italians were guilty of ill-discipline...

Two yellow-cards - one in each half - handed the Catalans the initiative, especially in the first-half, which for most parts Treviso had led.

And an 80m try I hear?

Jérôme Porical and Chris Cusiter combined for a moment of rare excitement but the Treviso defence was outstanding to deny the hosts a fourth try.

Whoever said blondes have more fun must've been in the South African dressing room when Jean de Villers is around. The serial joker leads by example and had it not been for persistent injuries, the Western Province inside centre would've been the star of the 2007 Rugby World Cup. Always looking ahead, the 27-year-old from Paarl, showed exactly what we missed out on with a string of glittering performances in the recent Tri-Nations. Ladies and gents, it's Bukio

G'day Jean, how's things? What have you been up to?

I'm good mate. Not been up to much, had the final team photo of the year today and now for a bit of a holiday…

You must be looking forward to coming over?

Yeah. It should be a good contest - the three games - it’s something to look forward too and gives us an opportunity to end the year on a positive note. Obviously I’ve got to get selected first but it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

Robbie Fleck’s been championing your case as a potential Springbok captain…

It’s always good to hear but Robbie’s probably a bit biased because we played together when I started my career. It’s good to know that your names up there but ‘when’ and ‘if’ the opportunity may arise, i’d love to have a go.

Have you got the minerals?

The secret to any captain’s success is the players around him and the support he gets from them. The most important relationship in a team is between captain and coach. You’ve got to be on the same wavelength, especially when it’s not always about rugby issues or the games on Saturdays. Captaincy is about much more than that.

Is it similar to the bond between schoolboy and teacher?

I definitely learned a hell of a lot. There’s stuff that happens off the field in South Africa that no school or coach could teach you or prepare you for. The traditions and history of Paarl [Gym] taught me an awful lot and that kind of education is vital, but much more important was the stuff you picked up away from school.

Did you reap the benefits of being a superstar rugby player?

For sure. I’d advise any school kid to play sport and stay active because there are so many benefits. Some of the friendships you make stay with you forever and certainly going to a sporting school, where the rugby team affects the whole atmosphere of the school, prepared me for the professional arena.

What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve seen on the rugby field?

In one of my first games, a kid playing with me ran off to score a try and accidentally ran the wrong way to our try line and dotted the ball down dead. He was so stupid but i’ve never had any embarrassing moments.

Did you ever have a job?

I didn’t work. I got contracted to Western Province straight out of school, so I started while I was still at Paarl. I didn’t do anything like a paper round. It’s not something I’m proud of but still feel very privileged.

I read somewhere you keep all of your shirts and like your gadgets… Would you say you’re slightly too materialistic?

Every time I get to put on the Springbok, Western Province or Stormers jersey - it’s special occasion - I like to treasure them. One day I’ll tell my kids a story about every shirt - that special try or big win - but I’ve started to give one or two away to charity. I tend to keep all the best ones for myself.

What’s your most treasured item?

My first Springbok and Western Province jerseys have pride of place in my house. They will always be dear to me. And obviously my World Cup gold medal although I didn’t participate too much to earn it. It’s still quite special.

Aren’t injuries a bitch?

Definitely. The sooner you learn that injuries are part of the profession the better you’ll be off. I’ve managed to deal with the World Cup injury really well because I’ve had some in the past and learned to deal with it. It does make you stronger as a person and you learn hell of a lot about yourself.

Has rugby made you a better person?

Rugby teaches you discipline - to work hard, not only with your team, but also in your own environment. When no one is watching, that’s when you need to put the time in and the more you do the more rewarding it is. Discipline and learning to deal with disappointments are very important. It’s when you realise how important family, friends and trusting in your beliefs are.

So what would be your idea of perfect happiness?

Wow! That’s tough one… quite deep eh? For me I’ve been relatively successful as rugby player but I realise those rugby will only last so long. Eternal happiness would be to settle down, get married, and be a good father to my children and a good husband to my wife. If you can be successful in that regard, you’ve done very well for yourself.

So if we came to visit, where would you take us?

To a wine farm. There’s so many around here and so many beautiful wines in Cape Town. Growing up in Paarl, which is a famous wine region, I tend to rate myself as a wine connaisseur. I’d have to take you to the mountains, there are some real beautiful spots.

And what about dinner?

Me cooking? We’d definitely have some steak and that should be enough. Depending on how long we’re talking about - we tend to talk-eat-talk and eat again - but I reckon I’ve done close to a KG in one sitting.

What do you miss most when you’re traveling?

My dogs. I’ve got two Jack Russell’s - Lielo and Butchy - they both sleep with me.

Butchy?

After the infamous Butch James. Him and Schalk [Burger] are both great friends and it just proves how important your friends in rugby are.

So you’re ranked as the best inside centre in the world…

It’s a nice label to have. That’s why you play sport - to be the best. Obviously your first goal should to become the best in your position in your own country, but being the best in the world is the ultimate goal.

What skills do you need to be the best?

Consistency, distribution and decision-making are ultimately the most important things. Defence is also vitally important but if you combine all of them, then you should be quite well off.

You’re known as a bit of an interception specialist - do you practice it?

It comes down to decision-making - I picked up the skill pretty early on in my career at school - I used to do it a lot, just by summing up the situation and once it comes off a few times, it becomes a bit of a habit.

Do you enjoy the limelight?

It’s definitely a good thing. There are bad times as well, especially when it invades your privacy and the people that are affected the most are your family. They understand it’s all part of the territory.
 
Any other pet hates?

I hate lateness. I don’t enjoy waiting for people. Queues and lines give me a headache.

And finally, if you could change one thing about rugby?

Enjoy it while it lasts because it can really end quickly.

Cheers Jean, you're a legend! We'll grab a game of golf when your over...

Sure thing mate. Sounds good. Take care...

Cheers!

The rip-roaring Heineken Cup drama reaches its 14th Chapter with Europe's chief protagonists suited, booted and ready for battle, all aiming to pull the sword from Munster's stone.

For all the southern hemisphere's dominance, they do not have a competition that even touches Europe's holy grail. One of the tournaments new faces, Heyneke Meyer, is itching to experience the tournament's unique cauldron and trips to the Liberty Stadium and Stade Aimé Giral should suffice as a baptism of fire.

Montauaban's lips must be tingling with the prospect of venturing to Thomond Park to face the champions, but an unkind draw pits them much-fancied outsiders, Sale Sharks and Clermont Auvergne.

But the beauty of the Heineken Cup is its unpredictability. Who would've envisaged Saracens and London Irish coming perilously close to a dream date in Cardiff? Certainly not any sane gambler.

And the surprises are sure to continue well into 2009 with the list of potential winners could stretch into double figures. Ireland's best are once again hard to ignore, showing countless times they have plenty of gas in the tank while the English do not take kindly to missing out on any showpiece event.

And the new laws, how will they affect matters? Even more pressure is piled on the officials with anything but one line of judgement likely to echo loudly in journalists, unions and critics ears.

The autumn internationals, Six Nations and British & Irish Lions tour is guaranteed to interrupt and pressure firmly in the minds of supporters and players alike but rugby union's premier beast is back, hungrier and feistier than ever. Bring it on!

Click here to read our Pool-by-Pool previews

Nick Mallett has named his 30-man squad for November's home Test matches against Australia, Argentina and the Pacific Islands.

Sergio Parisse, Mauro Bergamasco and Marco Bortolami feature but there is no place for heavyweight prop Martin Castrogiovanni

Forwards: Matias Aguero (Saracens), Robert Barbieri (Treviso), Mauro Bergamasco (Stade Francais), Marco Bortolami (Gloucester), Carlo Antonio Del Fava (Ulster), Santiago Dellape (Toulon), Carlo Festuccia (Racing Metro), Leonardo Ghiraldini (Calvisano), Andrea Lo Cicero (Racing Metro), Carlos Nieto (Gloucester), Fabio Ongaro (Saracens), Sergio Parisse (Stade Francais/), Salvatore Perugini (Toulouse), Tommaso Reato (Rovigo), Josh Sole (Viadana), Alessandro Zanni (Calvisano)

Backs: Andrea Bacchetti (Rovigo), Mirco Bergamasco (Stade Francais), Gonzalo Canale (Clermont), Pablo Canavosio (Viadana), Gonzalo Garcia (Calvisano), Andrea Marcato (Treviso), Andrea Masi (Biarritz), Luke McLean (Calvisano), Luciano Orquera (Brive), Riccardo Pavan (Parma), Simon Picone (Treviso), Matteo Pratichetti (Calvisano), Kaine Robertson (Viadana), Giulio Toniolatti (Capitolina Rome)

It's started! British & Irish Lions countdown begins Friday when the Heineken Cup kicks-off and Ian McGeechan has announced that he will select a provisional touring party of 60 players in January prior to the RBS 6 Nations.

"When you've got a preparation week before we go away which includes the Heineken Cup final then we've got to make the most of the time,"

"What I'm not doing is selecting a Lions squad straight after the Six Nations because I think there'll be six or seven players that we'll probably want to see more of post-Six Nations,"

35 players will make up the final touring party and 'Geech' has confirmed he will be flexible with fitness and form with players dropping in and out of favour almost after every breakdown or missed conversion.

"It's relatively easy to pick 25. It's the last 10 that often make the difference on a Lions tour. I think it's important to give ourselves time to really look at those final selections and those key players."

Don't you just love twisting people's words? The brains of the rugby bunch gave us their verdicts but like a confused five-year old studying Japanese, something clearly got lost in translation...

"Perhaps everyone in the world, except the 22 guys in the Quins dressing room, expected a 50-pointer. "

Sean Holley reckons the universe was watching Scrum V on Sunday

"Danny is just sore. It's a three-day recovery and it was just too quick, which is why we decided not to have him on the bench today,"

Ian McGeechan relays an earlier conversation with Kelly Brook

"He is like a centre forward in soccer that, when they [tries] dry up, you start to get a little concerned."  

Mike Ruddock comparing Miles Benjamin to Dimitar Berbatov

"I would rather go down playing rugby rather than relying on kicking and penalties."

Steve Meehan has been watching too many re-runs of Braveheart

"He will be one of the best players in the Premiership especially as he learns to play in different conditions."

Heyneke Meyer was not talking about Julian White

Another sack load of tries. Wish they'd send some over on the ferry...

It’d be nice. At least we’ll see what we’re missing out on next week…

Is your girlfriend sending over the recorded highlights from France?

No. It’s the Heineken Cup and the top four are looking magnifique!

Can anyone cling onto Stade Francais?

Montauban were dreaming of oysters, champagne and brothels going in 9-9 at the break but four second-half tries did the business with wing Djibril Camara touching down.

Can they reclaim the trophy?

Ewen McKenzie’s brought his success with the Waratahs over to the capital and has instilled a real workmanlike ethic that was sometimes lost behind all the glitz and glam last year.

Looking familiar at the top now…

Wait until Christmas when the Heineken Cup hangover kicks in. It could play into Perpignan’s hands and judging by their steamrolling performance past Toulon, a little bit of Dan Carter magic could be just the tipple - Plus one-man advantages every week as Tana Umaga’s side shipped in four in ten minutes.

And Clermont Auvergne? Are they coming into some form?

Brock James (17 points) is splitting the sticks and Napolioni Nalaga crossing the whitewash in successive weeks, so it seems normal service is resuming.

Any news from Biarritz? Is Eddie en route?

Hold your 2CV’s for one moment. Biarritz scored six tries with kingpin Damien Traille going over twice. Not quite as impressive as Brive full-back Norman Ligairi who bagged himself a hat-trick.

Things are really picking up for all the Midlanders now?

Another flawless kicking display from Andy Goode set the tone while Ben Cohen looks like the French diet of red wine, fresh fish and petit fours is doing the trick. Who knows, maybe Austin Healey will pop up there someday?

If he can drag his huge guns off the dancefloor?

I think the French would kick him back quicker than Dawn French could munch her way through a cheesecake...

What a treat, both the Guinness Premiership and EDF Energy Cup on terrestrial TV.

If that's what you call it? The rugby was only slightly better than the weather and marginally worse than Brian Moore's banter.

He loves a moan doesn't he?

Sitting watching both BBC games, it's amazing that Danny Cipriani and Mike Phillips - two high profile absentees – still managed to command the most interest.

That just says it all about the competition.

It wasn’t just team selection, 75% of the grounds were only half full...

So did the golden child make it?

Cipriani felt a little stiffness on Friday morning and decided not to travel – Kelly must've ignored his rub down request on Thursday night. Wasps have now worryingly lost five from six. It's a good job Shaun Edwards hasn't got any hair because they made Lesley ‘can’t kick won’t kick’ Vainikolo look half decent.

Was it as clear-cut as you predicted with the Welsh boys dominating?

Wales' best, the Ospreys and Cardiff Blues, both found life heavy going against the English reserves. Hardly like Arsene Wenger's babies, both Sale and Harlequins brought their Guinness Premiership form to the plate and would've been bitterly disappointed to lose.

Were the glamour boys a big lucky?

Too much fake tan, pumping iron and fine-tuning their TV accents and slick Henson haircuts…

Ouch. Still it was a Welsh 1-2-3-4….

Old boy Richard Mustoe came back to tame the Sharks while David Lyons and Stephen Jones brought a touch of class to the Scarlets but the weekend was pleasingly mostly made up of Academy products and debutants.

Who were your stars?

A couple of England U20 Junior World Cup finalists really stood out. Miles Benjamin dotted down for a delicious double while Leicester scrum-half Ben Youngs showed some flashes of his emerging brilliance behind a youthful Tigers pack. Also, watch out for a South African-born Englishman called Matthew Turner at Bristol too. His dazzling double was a crumb of comfort for Bristol, who are still without a win this season.

While the Welsh are smiting the English, is it a bank-holiday?

Not at all. The Scottish and the Irish are warming up for the Heineken Cup...

By going on the swill in France?

No, by spending the weekend in the Emerald Isle admiring Munster...

In Cork?

Nope. Thomond Park opens its Magners League doors to Munster's monster-raving-loony party of fans for the first time since December 2006. 25,000 screaming nutters will miss out on goading Dan Parks but another result like last season's shock three-point win for the Scots is not on the cards.

Just like Ulster winning then?

They have a fair shout against Edinburgh minus Chris Paterson. They have only won once in nine visits to Ireland and Matt Williams' luck has got to change at some point.

Speaking of changes - Michael Bradley's made nine for Connacht....

It's only one shy of Connacht's number of consecutive defeats to the reigning champions. They might've been able to down those deep fired mars-bar loving Glasweigans but the mighty Leinster have had a sore pair of nuts all week. A victory for the fourth Irish province (despite league position) is as likely as Dublin staying dry of Guinness all weekend,

Predictions:

Connacht v Leinster: Bounce back ability for BOD
Ulster v Edinburgh: Ulster still can't buy a win
Munster v Glasgow: Good to be home
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