Scrum of the Earth /

So Wilko's jumped right to the front of the queue by putting his name up for England captain.

Mr. Kick-trick-pony followed Martin Johnson into the role after the colossus' timely retirement.

Thing is, he was in his pomp back then, fizzing balls into corners and poking penalties through the eye of a needle.

A list of injuries as long as the Statue of Liberty's arm have followed not to mention copping a right old talking to from new kid on the block, Danny Cipriani, during his brief cameo against Ireland in last year's Six Nations.

We don't know what Wilko had with his granola this morning (maybe some hysteria hormone or something), but you were lucky to last this long.

Reasons for Jonny Wilkinson to be captain

1. He speaks about the game well...

Reasons for Jonny Wilkinson not to be captain

1. He isn't England's best fly-half
2. He isn't England's second-best fly-half
3. He isn't even England's third-best fly-half
4. The RFU can't afford his private healthcare bill
5. Newcastle Falcons need him more than England do

Cheetahs wing, Jongi Nokwe has been handed his South African debut for the one-off Test against Argentina at Ellis Park on Saturday.

Springbok stars, Bryan Habana and Schalk Burger, have been given a week off meaning there is also a return for Luke Watson.

Fourie du Preez and Jaque Fourie are recalled to the bench after spells on the sidelines while Tendai Mtawarira steps in for Guthro Steenkamp at prop.

Adi Jacobs and Bismarck du Plessis come back into the starting line-up after missing the defeat to Australia.

South Africa: 15 Conrad Jantjes, 14 JP Pietersen, 13 Adrian Jacobs, 12 Jean de Villiers, 11 Jongi Nokwe, 10 Butch James, 9 Enrico Januarie, 1 Tendai Mtawarira, 2 Bismarck du Plessis, 3 CJ van der Linde, 4 Bakkies Botha, 5 Victor Matfield (capt), 6 Luke Watson, 7 Juan Smith, 8 Pierre Spies.

Replacements: 16 Adriaan Strauss, 17 Brian Mujati, 18 Andries Bekker, 19 Joe van Niekerk, 20 Fourie du Preez, 21 Jaque Fourie, 22 Percy Montgomery

49

The record amount of Tri-Nations appearances by former Australian captain George Gregan between 1996-2007. Gregan would win back-to-back titles with the Wallabies in 2000 and 2001.

In 1997, flanker Andre Venter became the first player to be sent off in a New Zealand-South Africa test match. The back-row bully was given his marching orders for trampling all over Sean Fitzpatrick’s head. Having been 21-11 up at one stage, and 21-29 down when Venter headed for the dressing room, within half an hour of his exit, the All-Blacks surged ahead by 50-21 - it was the first time either side had cracked the half-century barrier against one another. The aggregated 90 points still remains a Tri-Nations record for a single match.

Elsewhere in the rugby world, Australia stuffed Fiji 52-28 in 1985, and New Zealand and South Africa shared an 18-18 draw in 1994.

In 1305, William ‘Braveheart’ Wallace was captured just outside Glasgow and transported back to London where he would face trial and execution… and then have his life turned into a film. Dom Pérignon was invented in 1693, which would later bring pleasure to countless footballers wives and in 1936, Jesse Owens became the first athlete to win four golf-medals at the Summer Olympics in Berlin.

And it’s Tavalodet Mobarak! As they say in Persian to Argentinean magician Juan-Martin Hernandez (26) and countryman Federico Todeschini (33), South African legend Chester Williams (38) and England’s new Tiger Toby Flood (23).

Sky Sports have released their Guinness Premiership TV schedule, so you can tell the better-half they can start planning afternoon's out with the girls or days on the golf course with the lads. Here's what's planned up until 2009...

Sunday 7 September
Northampton Saints v Worcester Warriors, 1.30pm
Gloucester Rugby v Leicester Tigers, 4.00pm

Saturday 13 September
Bath Rugby v Gloucester Rugby, 2.45pm

Friday 26 September
Leicester Tigers v London Wasps, 8.05pm

Saturday 27 September
Saracens v Northampton Saints, 2.45pm

Thursday 2 October
Worcester Warriors v Harlequins, 8.00pm

Friday 14 November
Sale Sharks v Worcester Warriors, 8.00pm

Friday 21 November
Gloucester Rugby v Bristol Rugby, 8.00pm

Friday 28 November
Newcastle Falcons v London Wasps, 8.00pm

Saturday 20 December
Bath Rugby v Sale Sharks, 2.45pm

Saturday 27 December
Saracens v London Irish, 1.30pm
Harlequins v Leicester Tigers, 4.00pm

Sunday 4 January
Leicester Tigers v Bath Rugby, 1.30pm
London Wasps v Harlequins, 4.00pm